Eyes closed, pitch blackness. A sense of evil, a seductively malevolent vibe. Apprehension as the gears of my perspective slowly creak into the lower planes. Streaking spirals of light, growing brighter and brighter until… suddenly, break through. People and landscapes in perfect clarity as if I were watching through an invisible camera. A man turns towards his wife before stabbing her violently in the back. He rips the peeling flesh from her body as insects suddenly pour out. Cut. A pool of blood, undulating with red waves. Body parts falling in, silently splashing. No sound whatsoever to these visions. Cut. A wolf, black eyes, digging into an unidentifiable corpse. Strings of meat are dangling between its teeth. Cut. Many scenes of erotica, usually ending in gory climax. My skull is but a padded cell, the walls of which my inner demons bounce off. Themes of sadomasochism, violence punctuated by guilty pleasure.
I hear sounds of sheer chaos. Screams, thumps. Dragging noises. Someone calling my name, louder, and louder. A gentle hiss and a bump. Cut. Spiders. Lots of spiders, pouring through the cracks of reality as if puncturing through this thin veil of ordinary life. I feel things gently running over my body. I don’t open my eyes. Cut. Swinging bodies on nooses, burning. Fire, blood dripping as maggots squirm into the quivering flesh. I am carrying on a conversation with something, but I do not know what. My mind echoes with distorted fragments of meaning; snippets of grand truth ripped from this primeval chaos. Lots of blood. Death. Churning corpses being flayed. Rotating scenes of razor-sharp blades dissecting through my mind. I contemplate the nature of fear in all its manifestations—here there is true, unmitigated terror. A woman reaches back and rips the top part of her skull off; a horde of black moths flies out. I hear the whispering voices of angels. Cut.
I lift my eyelids and stare into the darkness of my room to find relief from the torrential deluge of demonic imagery. My wall is covered with crawling black things. Posters and my pull up bar, dimly seen in the nonexistent light, are bending at absurd angles and then popping back to their rightful shape. Swarms of gnats have infested my room, making the darkness heavier with their presence. The wall shudders as its cracks begin to disgorge countless more denizens of the shadows. I have welcomed in the eldritch beasties of the night, and I’m here to pay them homage. I close my eyes again, and sink further into the welcome depths of Hell itself.
i love my job
My Best Meatballs + Sauce
This is the first recipe I have ever written so bear with me. I am a huge fan of red sauce italian food and of all the meatballs I have eaten, these are some of the best (at least the best I have ever been able to make). The trick here is cooking the meatballs in the oven in chicken stock, then reducing the cooking liquid and adding it to your tomato sauce. This really ramps up the flavor and also makes the meatballs extremely moist. This recipe takes a little bit of time and has more than a few ingredients, but trust me…these things are fucking delicious. Serve them with spaghetti, over polenta, in a sandwich roll with melted sharp provolone or…on their own in a bowl. Enjoy!
Tomato Sauce Ingredients
this is what my mind sounds like.
all the time.